Tuesday, 3 September 2013


For our marriages to work there must be constant communication-this is what makes our sex life and the bed room to be more fascinating; which is the building block that keeps the marriage going. For our marriage to be happy, we need to know How, When and Where (HW2) to communicate so that it can be effective. In this article, we shall be considering the words that our spouses will always want to hear which I call “the red carpet to musical concert”

The most important aspect of our relationship with God is our vulnerability with him. He says we must become as little children in order to inherit His kingdom.
Sweetness and intimacy in marriage is often found in brokenness. We must never stop needing each other, and showing each other that we need each other.

Prayer is powerful. And most people appreciate being connected and lifted up in prayer. When going through a rough patch, your spouse will feel affirmed and cared for. Letting your spouse know that you are praying for them deepens intimacy and know that there is always a shoulder to rest on.

Joyce Meyer shares the story of this couple friend of theirs who were incredibly courteous with each other. The words ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ filled their every day vocabulary. It drove Joyce crazy.
“Who in that world does that any more, you are married for goodness sakes!” she thought.
Later in life, she began to see and appreciate the value and beauty of a life filled with courtesy, gratitude and humility. Such words reflect our attitude of love, respect, appreciation, honor and awe.

I think most of us want to know why we are loved.
When my wife tells me that she loves the way I handled a particular situation or appreciates the way I helped out with the dishes or bath the kids, I am over the moon; feeling of accomplishment overwhelms me wanting to do more.
Being specific, (“I love you because…”) instead of being general, (“I love you”) often builds up our spouses in a deeper way.

Your husband/wife needs to know that you still find them attractive. Life has a way of altering our physical landscape. We need to hear that we are beautiful in each other’s eyes and are still attractive to each other.

I love hearing these words from Helen. I feel affirmed and strengthened. I think most men agree that a wife who stands by them (through thick, thin and loony) is a treasure and a gift. We are made to be affirmed.

Marriages need boundaries. And it’s not just a matter of creating boundaries – the harder work is in observing them. Women appreciate and love it sometime when their men put their feet down on some issues. I am persuasive and sometimes the most loving thing my wife hear from me is “No sweetheart”
Most couples are opposites in terms of personality. We bring different strengths into the relationship and balance each other out. And these differences must be appreciated and valued in the relationship.

When I was attending my marriage counseling many years ago, the counselor told me that the tool that must be in front of my pocket is the word I AM SORRY, but in my early years in marriage I say it because I want the issue at hand to end. But I have come to understand that real repentance means acknowledging my faults and making a turn to become better. It means dealing with myself first.
When you are open and honest and mean what you say, your spouse will often sense that. And your true repentance maybe the only thing needed to resolve whatever issue is on the table.

You need to involve each other in your decision making processes, never assume that your spouse knows. Involving your spouse communicate that you value him or her, his/her thoughts and insights.
For women, it’s one of the ways they feel loved and appreciated. It affirms your partnership and often helps manage expectations and trust.

“Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.” Hoosier farmer
Your spouse may not act “heroic” all the time. But being a hero has nothing to do with perfection. It’s about the things that they do well, learn to praise his strength and de-emphasis his weakness (there must be something they do well since you married them).
The world already tells your spouse what they can’t do or can’t be. There’s so much pressure to perform and shine. Your spouse needs to refuel his “emotional bank account”. If you don’t refuel them, who will?

So we need to always speak right words to our spouses, it strengthens intimacy and lubricate the friction in our marriage relationships.