Saturday, 31 August 2013

Why Sex? Five Health Reasons to Jump Into Bed Together Tonight!

If you think about it too long or too hard, it might seem strange that you and your partner need so much convincing to get down and get horny on a regular schedule. But when all the boring day-to-day work at the office and the chores around the house take up most of your time, all the reasons to get showered, sexy, rolling around naked together may seem to escape you.
We all know that sex is amazing, but the longer we put it off, the easier it gets to ignore and the harder it is to get back into the comfort zone. So if you and your wife need some reminding, here are five reasons why you should make the extra effort to include a little extra fun play in your life!
  1. Prevent Disease: high blood pressure, heart disease, prostate cancer, and all illnesses and disorders related to stress can be prevented by regular sex and intimate touch! Intimate touch – even something as simple as a hug! – has been proven to initiate the release of oxytocin into the blood stream, which naturally lowers blood pressure and heart rate. In fact, having sex two or more times per week was enough to cut a man’s risk for heart attack in half.
Frequent ejaculations have been linked to a lower risk for prostate cancer in later life. If this isn’t enough to convince your wife that sex is on the agenda. The golden number? 21 times a month! Better get to work!
  1. Improve Your Immunity: Regular sex, 1-2 times a week or more, has been shown to provide up to a 30% increase in salivary immunoglobulin. Even sex less than once a week showed a slight benefit over the abstinent. Whether due to a happy, healthy sex life, or the microbial input of foreign fluids, why balk at more reasons to enjoy the pleasures of love?
  2. Relieve Pain: All those great chemicals, oxytocin in particular, can boost pain tolerance up to 50% – menstrual cramps, migraines, chronic pain of any kind can be relieved with an orgasm or three! Why pop a pill when you can hop on each other instead?
  3. Get Fertile: It should be fairly obvious that if you want to have a baby, you should be having lots of sex! Many couples make the mistake of “saving up” all their sexy for ovulation. The word is in from the scientific community – women who have regular sex with a man, once a week or more, are significantly more likely to menstruate on a regular cycle and experience fewer fertility problems than the abstinent or sex-deprived. Regular sex, including oral and manual stimulation, not only makes it easier to get pregnant but can prepare the body to carry a healthy, full-term pregnancy. Scientists have shown not only an increase in conception rates for partners who engage in regular sexual contact, but fewer incidents of miscarriage, preeclampsia and high blood pressure.
Even if you aren’t interested in trying to conceive, regular sexual activity has been shown to be equally effective in regulating the menstrual cycle as it is in relieving menstrual cramps.
  1. Look Better, Feel Better: Even the blandest sex can burn an extra 100 calories per half hour (so try to take at least that long). If you decide to get fancy, it could be hundreds, not to mention the strong muscles! If your lover is the type to shy away from sex because she is concerned about her body, remind her just how amazing she’ll look after a few good rounds of sexercise! Don’t waste your money on a gym membership, where you have to shower with a bunch of other guys… Work out a sweat, and then enjoy a long, hot shower together. And don’t forget to stretch!
Sex is great. Is there any reason to argue? So what’s holding you back?
I’m not suggesting you pressure your lover into doing something she doesn’t want to do. But if there were ever a reason to start the conversation, figure out where things when wrong and how to get them back on track, this is it. Your health, your heart, your head, your hormones all depend on a healthy sexual relationship.
Having an active sex life doesn’t just give you moments of pleasure in the bedroom. It will make you feel as if you’ve found a better, more vibrant and fulfilling life. I CORINTHIAN 7:1-5

Friday, 30 August 2013


In my relationship/marriage counseling, I frequently deal with couples/'couples to be' who’ve heard the dread phrase, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” How can it happen that a couple who were once thrilled with each other can fall out of love? It seems like a mystery, but it’s not. And, it’s frequently fixable.

Couples fall out of love for three main reasons:
• They don’t understand the difference between infatuation and love,
• They aren’t don’t understand how to grow their love for each other, and/or
• They don’t know what partnership is, or how to do it. Without partnership, there can be no lasting love.

Couples who become competitive and fight about who’s right or wrong can destroy the love they originally had for each other. The partnership way is to focus on cooperatively fixing the problem. What makes love last is an attitude of “I want both you and me to get what we want, and we can fix it together” in this relationship.

The quickest way to destroy love is to hold on to resentment. Allowing old hurts and grudges to go unresolved is corrosive and destructive. Resentment is like rust that eats away at the bonds of your relationship and cankerworm that eats up your invested years of growing up this beautiful fruitful plant. It’s important to learn to clear up resentment by first recognizing it in yourself, then confessing it and learning to solve the problems that caused it. We should learn to dissociate our challenges from our personalities.

Men and women have different reasons for falling out of love. Husbands often disconnect from their wives when they don't feel the wives are interested in them anymore. Because men often have a difficult time with intimacy, someone at work who is sympathetic and doesn't make demands can be very tempting.

Wives disconnect because they feel unloved or taken for granted. They complain for a while, then withdraw. Once she gives up on getting caring from her partner, a masseur or boss/colleague in the office who is attentive can make her feel wanted.

Either spouse will be tempted to cheat if the marriage is disconnected, or has sunk into friendship—affection without sex. To mend the relationship, both spouses need to be willing to make it work, to talk openly about what went wrong, to take responsibility for what they did or didn't do to make the marriage work. This takes emotional maturity, which is the ability to rise above your immediate wants and emotional reactions in order to have a reasonable discussion rather than a fight. Married couples also need support for their marriage—other couples who can help them through rough times.

Love also changes over time, and if you don’t understand the change, it can be scary. It's easy to feel romantic when you live separately and date each other, because every moment spent together is special. From the moment you begin to live together, such romantic moments are no longer automatic. Instead, much of your time together is spent on more mundane things: doing laundry, washing dishes, paying bills, and going to work. Although this can be new, exciting and fun at first, as soon as the initial newness of living together wears off, such everyday things cease to feel exciting and romantic, and you may find yourself feeling worried that your partner no longer cares as much or is as excited to be with you. I once counselled a couple who where having a distance relatiobship because of study leave to Europe, they always had nice relationship while away but anytime they spend more time physically together they discovered that they become uneasy to each other.
They would have damaged their relationship beyond repair if they have not corrected and still react negatively to the changes instead of handling them.LET US ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT WHATEVER WE PUT OR INVEST INTO OUR MARRIAGES IS WHAT WE GET IN RETURN....

Thursday, 29 August 2013

Appreciate and Enjoy Your Husband’s Masculinity

We’re surrounded by negative messages about men – that they’re inept, insensitive, ineffective or downright evil – and sometimes we incorporate those messages into our own thinking, often subconsciously. We can’t escape these cultural influences completely, but we can minimize their effects by deciding to value our husbands as men and to appreciate their masculine qualities.

Our goal should be to value masculinity and femininity – both were created by God and are essential to a happy marriage! Here are a few ideas for appreciating your husband as a man and enjoying his masculinity:
■Let him do things for you. Most men like to take care of their woman, so let your husband do things for you! If he wants to take you out to dinner, wonderful – enjoy it! If he wants to handle the children’s baths so you can rest, let him. My husband keeps my car safe and in good condition – and I’m thrilled for him to do it!
■Don’t try to handle everything. Women often take on too much responsibility for the home and family. When we do, it creates stress and fatigue for us and leaves our husbands feeling as if they aren’t really needed. So let go of some things, and ask your husband to handle them from now on. He won’t do them exactly the way you do them, and that’s perfectly fine.
■Take care of your husband, but don’t “mother” him. You’re his wife, not his mother. You want to do things for him, but don’t want to feel like he’s another child who needs your attention. If you find yourself feeling that way, back off and let him do the things adults typically do for themselves. In other words, treat him like a man, not a boy.
■Give him the freedom to enjoy being a man. Most men need some time every now and then to enjoy their own activities. They also like to have a space to call their own – a den, a basement, a workshop. And they don’t want to feel guilty every time they enjoy one of those activities or retreat to that space. So give your husband the occasional gift of time to put aside his responsibilities and just enjoy being a man.
■Trust him. Sometimes women second-guess everything their husband does or decides. If you find yourself in that position, unless he has made some very bad decisions, give him the benefit of the doubt. That isn’t to say the two of you shouldn’t discuss most decisions – you should. But when he decides to do something, whenever possible, let it go. Also, trust him with the children. Again, unless he’s doing something dangerous, trust him to be their dad – the slightly more adventurous parent!
■Appreciate and enjoy your husband’s sexuality. Our culture really comes down hard on men’s sexuality, and it’s easy to accept the cultural norm and downplay our husbands’ needs for sex and intimacy. The reality, though, is that it’s completely normal for them to enjoy our bodies and want to have sex with us – that’s the way God made them! (It’s normal for us to enjoy it too!) If you’re ignoring or avoiding sex because you’re too tired or just not interested, decide to change your mind and your approach to intimacy. Seek out resources that present married sex in a positive light and offer tips for enjoying it more. (If you’re avoiding it because of serious sexual or marital issues, please consider counseling or other professional resources that can help you deal with those issues.)

When we share responsibilities with our husbands, allow them to be men, trust their judgment and enjoy intimacy with them, we feel more relaxed and less resentful. So if you’re trying, even some of the time, to be both the man and the woman in your marriage, let go and let your husband be the man all of the time!

So, what do you do to show your appreciation to your spouse?