And I know for a fact men generally want sex more, which could really affect a relationship. But when I realized that our entire motives for love and sex could be that different, I felt really enlightened.
And so this phrase was born – men need to have sex to feel loved, women need to feel loved to have sex. Use it as you wish (and you’re welcome). Of course it’s not a revolutionary thought. Other sexologists have considered this evidence as well. After rummaging through a couple of books I found that backing this theory with evidence is simpler than I would have imagined. There are many reasons why women want love before sex and men want sex before love. For a start, you guys tend to see sex as more of a necessity and women see it as a nice bonus extra. Women want to talk and connect first – but for men sex is the main way to connect. It’s the language you guys use to express how you feel, and it’s also how you like to receive love from your partner.
Hormones have a lot to answer for as well. Women get a huge rush of oxytocin, which is known as the “cuddle hormone”, from sex, so they go looking for anything that bonds them with their partner. On the other hand, men produce 20 times as much testosterone as women do, which gives you constant pressure to have a sexual release. Sex offers you exactly that release, and you experience a rush of dopamine (AKA the “pleasure hormone”), which makes you feel relaxed and ready to love.